The First T in TREATS
2025/04/16 12:00 AM Filed in: Communication | TREATS
The First T: Finding Truth in Difficult Conversations
When emotions run high, it’s easy to get defensive or lost in exaggerations. The first step-Truth-is about honestly seeking what’s real in what the other person is saying, even if it’s small or hidden beneath strong words. As Jesus taught, “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32)
The Power of the Pause: Viktor Frankl’s Insight
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Practical Examples: Recognizing or Seeking Truth
Example 1: “You’re always late!”
Do: “You are rigth I have been late multiple times.”
Why this works: You’re not agreeing with the exaggeration, but you’re acknowledging any real issue and inviting specifics.
Example 2: “You never listen to me!”
Do: “I want to understand when I’ve missed what you were saying. Can you give me an example?” (James 1:19: “...let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath...” )
Why this works: You’re not accepting the “never,” but you’re open to finding the truth in their feelings and experience.
Example 3: “You’re being a jerk!”
Do: "You are right I am certainly a jerk more times than I can count, and I apologize."
“I want to understand what I did that felt disrespectful. Can you tell me more?”
(Ephesians 4:15: “But speaking the truth in love... ” )
Why this works: You’re not getting defensive, but you’re looking for any truth in their words and inviting clarity.
Example 4: When You Don’t See the Truth
Do: “I want to understand your perspective. Can you help me see what you mean?” (Proverbs 12:22: “...they that deal truly are his delight.” )
Why this works: You’re showing a willingness to seek truth, even if it’s not obvious to you.
Tips for Practicing the First T-Truth
Don’ts (For Extra Help Only)
While the focus is on positive actions, here are a few things to avoid-just in case you need a little extra help:
Key Takeaways
A Musical Reminder
To help remember the steps, listen to The Communication Song (TREATS):
When emotions run high, it’s easy to get defensive or lost in exaggerations. The first step-Truth-is about honestly seeking what’s real in what the other person is saying, even if it’s small or hidden beneath strong words. As Jesus taught, “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32)
The Power of the Pause: Viktor Frankl’s Insight
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
- Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning (source)
Practical Examples: Recognizing or Seeking Truth
Example 1: “You’re always late!”
Do: “You are rigth I have been late multiple times.”
Why this works: You’re not agreeing with the exaggeration, but you’re acknowledging any real issue and inviting specifics.
Example 2: “You never listen to me!”
Do: “I want to understand when I’ve missed what you were saying. Can you give me an example?” (James 1:19: “...let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath...” )
Why this works: You’re not accepting the “never,” but you’re open to finding the truth in their feelings and experience.
Example 3: “You’re being a jerk!”
Do: "You are right I am certainly a jerk more times than I can count, and I apologize."
“I want to understand what I did that felt disrespectful. Can you tell me more?”
(Ephesians 4:15: “But speaking the truth in love... ” )
Why this works: You’re not getting defensive, but you’re looking for any truth in their words and inviting clarity.
Example 4: When You Don’t See the Truth
Do: “I want to understand your perspective. Can you help me see what you mean?” (Proverbs 12:22: “...they that deal truly are his delight.” )
Why this works: You’re showing a willingness to seek truth, even if it’s not obvious to you.
Tips for Practicing the First T-Truth
- Pause before responding-use the space to reflect, not react.
- Look for the kernel of truth, even if it’s small or hidden in exaggeration.
- Ask clarifying questions if you don’t understand.
- Acknowledge facts honestly-without over-apologizing or taking blame for what isn’t true.
- Redirect away from exaggeration-focus on what’s real and specific.
- Don’t get stuck in “always” or “never” arguments or go down rabbit holes.
Don’ts (For Extra Help Only)
While the focus is on positive actions, here are a few things to avoid-just in case you need a little extra help:
- Don’t argue about exaggerations (“always,” “never” ).
- Don’t respond with sarcasm or defensiveness.
- Don’t go down side arguments or rabbit holes.
- Don’t ignore the other person’s attempt to communicate their feelings.
Key Takeaways
- Finding truth in what others say, even if it’s small, opens the door to better conversations.
- Pause and choose your response-this is your power, as Viktor Frankl taught.
- Scriptures remind us to seek and speak the truth in love, and to listen before we speak.
A Musical Reminder
To help remember the steps, listen to The Communication Song (TREATS):
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